The Hoax on Social Media: Body Positivity and Self-Care
I have learned to not allow many things in life linger, and really dig at my skin. I have learned that what I say, or do, doesn't matter as much as I think it does. But when relating to thoughts like this, nothing bothers me more, and there is nothing that I want to scream out saying "YOUR WRONG" more than now.
Every time I talk to a person who says, "I know what self-love, or self-care is! I do it all the time! I make sure to get my nails done once a month :)". In response, I say: "Great job! When was the last time you really looked at yourself, and said 'I know I don't look like the person, or idea that I want to be, but it is O.K., because I am who I am'?". THAT is caring for yourself. THAT is spending the time that you need alone to be who you are, and just loving it. Embracing it. And, if the world is lucky enough, if you're ready, you can spread it. But this picture:
or this picture
and definitely not this
But this is what most people see. This is what most people know. Social media has taken self-care, body positivity, and learning to love one self, as this thing that can just be pretty. This thing where you can allow people to believe that you're comfortable, and that by spending time by yourself your doing great things for you. No, that is not what it is. I spend time by myself A LOT. I actually love just being alone, and I make sure I get my proper dose of alone time. But when I dedicate nights to caring for me, and to really focus on me, it is not pretty. It is not Instagram-able. It is not artsy.
Giving time to you, and your brain is so messy. Looking at yourself in the mirror and saying "I love you", is so hard. I used to pace back and fourth in front of my mirror and dwell. I would think, stop, and just try to figure out what it is about myself that I loved. When people used to say, "what do you like most about yourself?" I had no idea how to answer that question ever. My mirror is filled with sticky notes of me saying "you're beautiful" "you are wonderful, accept who you are" etc. I would talk to myself in the mirror every morning, and I would stand there until I said 3 things that I thought was amazing about me that day. I did this until I could look at myself in the mirror and truly feel it. I had so many thoughts that would be adverse of what I am trying to do, like I wanted to take that same expo marker and just cross out everything about me that I did not like. But in those moments I needed to stop and say, "why don't I like this, where is this coming from?" and write it down. Write, and write, and write until something made sense to me.
For 2 years I avoided looking at myself in the mirror. But I couldn't figure out why. I was doing what Instagram made me think was self-care. I was drinking my wine and watching my movie. But I was not crying. I was not acting on my emotions. I was not allowing myself to fulfill all of my emotional needs as well as physical. I was just existing in an idea rather than experiencing. That sort of feeling when you are out with friends, and you're kind of just there, but you are not really there... That was how I was with the whole social media picture of self-care. There is always a forward and backward movement with this. Sometimes I will just wake up, and really not feel into myself. But that is all a part of the process that I love dearly.
I love how messy it is to spend a night in self-care. I love how challenging it is to actually invest your time in you. I love how in those moments comes a whole ton of self-discovery and thought. I love how I examine how and why I think the ways that I do. But I especially love the results from it.
The best things in life are done through experience, actions, reflection, meditation, deep thought, and struggle. Nothing will arise if you just think, or just do, or just survive. Everything is interconnected. What affects one thing, affects another, affects another, and so on. Even when comes to thoughts and your brain. The next time you say, "I am going to do some self-care.", stand in front of that mirror, cry in front of that mirror, and experience being in the now.
Every time I talk to a person who says, "I know what self-love, or self-care is! I do it all the time! I make sure to get my nails done once a month :)". In response, I say: "Great job! When was the last time you really looked at yourself, and said 'I know I don't look like the person, or idea that I want to be, but it is O.K., because I am who I am'?". THAT is caring for yourself. THAT is spending the time that you need alone to be who you are, and just loving it. Embracing it. And, if the world is lucky enough, if you're ready, you can spread it. But this picture:
or this picture
and definitely not this
But this is what most people see. This is what most people know. Social media has taken self-care, body positivity, and learning to love one self, as this thing that can just be pretty. This thing where you can allow people to believe that you're comfortable, and that by spending time by yourself your doing great things for you. No, that is not what it is. I spend time by myself A LOT. I actually love just being alone, and I make sure I get my proper dose of alone time. But when I dedicate nights to caring for me, and to really focus on me, it is not pretty. It is not Instagram-able. It is not artsy.
Giving time to you, and your brain is so messy. Looking at yourself in the mirror and saying "I love you", is so hard. I used to pace back and fourth in front of my mirror and dwell. I would think, stop, and just try to figure out what it is about myself that I loved. When people used to say, "what do you like most about yourself?" I had no idea how to answer that question ever. My mirror is filled with sticky notes of me saying "you're beautiful" "you are wonderful, accept who you are" etc. I would talk to myself in the mirror every morning, and I would stand there until I said 3 things that I thought was amazing about me that day. I did this until I could look at myself in the mirror and truly feel it. I had so many thoughts that would be adverse of what I am trying to do, like I wanted to take that same expo marker and just cross out everything about me that I did not like. But in those moments I needed to stop and say, "why don't I like this, where is this coming from?" and write it down. Write, and write, and write until something made sense to me.
For 2 years I avoided looking at myself in the mirror. But I couldn't figure out why. I was doing what Instagram made me think was self-care. I was drinking my wine and watching my movie. But I was not crying. I was not acting on my emotions. I was not allowing myself to fulfill all of my emotional needs as well as physical. I was just existing in an idea rather than experiencing. That sort of feeling when you are out with friends, and you're kind of just there, but you are not really there... That was how I was with the whole social media picture of self-care. There is always a forward and backward movement with this. Sometimes I will just wake up, and really not feel into myself. But that is all a part of the process that I love dearly.
I love how messy it is to spend a night in self-care. I love how challenging it is to actually invest your time in you. I love how in those moments comes a whole ton of self-discovery and thought. I love how I examine how and why I think the ways that I do. But I especially love the results from it.
The best things in life are done through experience, actions, reflection, meditation, deep thought, and struggle. Nothing will arise if you just think, or just do, or just survive. Everything is interconnected. What affects one thing, affects another, affects another, and so on. Even when comes to thoughts and your brain. The next time you say, "I am going to do some self-care.", stand in front of that mirror, cry in front of that mirror, and experience being in the now.
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