That Weird Gut Thing

 

There is one thing about me that always confuses me, and also scares me at the same time. Whenever I think about it, or even say it in words, I feel like I am just absolutely crazy even though I am not.  For some reason, a reason that I still cannot figure out or fathom why this happens, but usually when something bad is going to happen I can truly feel it, and I know it is going to happen. Usually when this happens, something bad really does happen in the way that I thought it would play out.

I know this seems very weird, and far-fetched, but it is true. Recently I have discovered that I do not only perceive, or feel like something bad is going to happen, but also when I absolutely need to do something for my mental health or for me. I feel crazy just explaining this in my head, let alone write it out or speaking it!

Recently I have peaked an interest in using healing crystals as a part of my meditations that I do. I walked into the metaphysical store, with this list of crystals I wanted, and I thought they were the ones that I needed. I completely forgot the list, and they anxiety that I had just lifted up and flew out of my body. I took a bunch of tumbled stones that caught my eye and the papers underneath them so that I could remember which stones I got. Some of the stones were the ones I had on my list funny enough, but the others were stones that focused on things that I did not even realize that I needed. 

 

As of lately my anxiety has not been so great. Especially with all of my work due from this semester, and not being treated great by some people. What really has hurt my anxiety is that I have developed a severe food allergy to something that I do not really know, but all I know is that when I eat my tongue starts to hive and my stomach feels like it is punching itself. With all of that being said, and my history of eating disorders, my struggle as of late has been real to say the least. As I was getting to the point where I have had enough of basically everything, and my anxiety had reached a new high today, I got this strange urge to go to Marshalls. Which, I basically never go to Marshalls. But for some really weird, and odd reason, I had the urge to not just go to Marshalls, but to go and look at the journals there. Which I never go to Marshalls like I said, but I also never buy any of my journals from Marshalls as well. 

After a few hours of me fighting this really strange urge to go to Marshalls, and I mean I really had to fight this odd urge. As I was on my way home from seeing my therapist, I lost. Ultimately I went to Marshalls. Now I cannot be trusted looking at journals. because I have a really bad thing of seeing journals I absolutley love and buying them, and right now I am trying to use the journals I have before I buy anymore. Of course in the mindset I was in, which was not a great one, I just wanted to splurge on journals that were not expensive at all, they were only $4.99!! Like come on what a deal!!

I came across one that said "My Thoughts" on the cover and it was white. I did not really like it, as it was not something I would usually look at and say "I WANT TO WRITE IN THIS" like the rest that I have. When I opened the journal this was inside:

I know the hand writing is not that great, but the page had wrote, "No matter what your going through Jesus is with you :)". I held the book open for about 5 minutes, staring at it astonished, and suddenly felt at ease. As if that was why I was supposed to go to Marshalls. I immediately ripped the page out (nicely) afterwards and put the book down. I folded the paper, and put it in my pocket. I stood there for another few minutes trying to process what happened. I put the other two journals down that I thought I really wanted, but I did not want them anymore. I felt satisfied, and oddly my soul felt quenched. 

The result of all of that led me here, to writing this. If there is something on your mind that you are fighting, something that your gut is telling you to do... you should probably do it. This is what I have learned today, which was completely unexpected. If you follow that gut urge that you are not expecting, that is odd, or strange, it might change your mindset from something bad, to something better. Keep smiling, and always know that you are enough. XOXO.