10 Things No One Has Told You About Anorexia

                                   

I have struggled with disordered eating for a very long time. One of my darker times was when my disordered eating turned into anorexia binge purge. I remember in high school, before my disordered eating propelled very deep, so many people I knew had rumors about not eating, and using laxatives. The thing is that everyone only talked about the "good" results. The fact that "so and so was so fat and over the summer just like that she became so skinny and looks so good". 

A friend of mine said to me the other day: "You cannot cheat nutrition, health, and weight loss". This is something that I have really taken to heart and understood completely. Going on "fad-diets", drinking your meals, not eating, doing everything you possibly can to lose weight is not all sunshine and rainbows. There is the real, true, health complications that follow. I have experienced these issues first hand. The things that you do not know, are the real and raw things that hurt you. So, here are the 10 things no one has told you about anorexia binge purge.

1. Amenorrhea/ Hair Loss- If you are in the middle of your anorexia, something that happens regularly in your body kind of just stops all together. This one is specifically towards the people who go through menstruation. Your body starts to miss periods repeatedly if your body is malnourished. If you were worried, no you are not expecting any children, this means your body knows you cannot handle to have another being inside of you. It basically shuts down. You will also lose your hair, A LOT. Especially in the shower. It is scary. Your beautiful hair will become thin, and just so dead and no matter what you do the only remedy is nutrition.

2. SO TIRED ALL THE TIME- At first you get that high of not eating, you lost a lot of weight, you are doing all the things you need to do with out being distracted by food. But, unfortunately the crash always comes with a high. Your body shuts down. Your brain cannot function like it used to. The food that used fuel your thoughts is now gone. You used to be able to do so much, but your body has eaten a lot of the fat stored in your body. During the day all you want to do is sleep. But, at night, your body keeps you awake. You have to end up taking melatonin at all times when you want to sleep, otherwise you will stare into the darkness of your room until the sun comes up. Or, you can choose an even worse route and smoke marijuana, and take benadryl (these were my go tos to help me sleep).

3. You are cold all the time- It can be sunny, and 70 degrees outside, but you are still going to be wearing a sweater. Yes. You are that person that is cold all of the time, because your body does not have the energy to function, and warm up  your body for survival. So, as much as I wore layers so no one could see how I looked, I was also FREEZING. 

4. EATING HURTS- No, I am not talking mentally for this one, because of course eating hurts mentally. I mean eating HURTS physically. I remember when I was at the University at Buffalo, and I was excited to binge on this huge dish of pasta as on campus there is this one place to eat where the pasta is great. I ate the pasta, I felt accomplished, but then about 20 minutes later, I felt so sick. My stomach started churning and burning. I threw up, and this time I did not even make myself throw up. My body was making the pasta exit both through vomit and diarrhea. I also got the shakes. Eating is no longer only a pain mentally. 

5. WEIGHT GAIN- What do you think happens when you stop eating, and then start eating again? No, you are not going to maintain that 50 lbs you lost. When you are in the process of getting better it is more common than you think to gain weight. Once you start to feed your body like how it should be fed, it is going to hold on to everything as much as it can. Your body does this as a survival instinct, because it does not actually know when the next time it is going to go through a period of starvation.

6. YOU DO NOT HAVE TO BE UNDERWEIGHT TO SUFFER: The common misconception is that in order to have anorexia you have to be underweight. Although in my case I was underweight, there are so many people out there who are anorexic, but are not the idealistic thin that we all think in our minds. You might be suffering with an eating disorder and you do not even know.

7. AN ENDLESS CYCLE: This is something you are going to have to deal with, FOR LIFE. Once you adapt all the behaviors, it sometimes feels like you are in this prison of thoughts yelling at you all of the time. Even when you are in a healthy state those thoughts are going to keep yelling at you. You have to learn how to tell those thoughts to SHUT UP. Some days are much harder than others.

8. What memory? When you suffer from anorexia you tend to forget absolutely everything. This goes along with what I said before when your brain stops functioning. But, it is so difficult to remember things. You start to forget everything and not on purpose. You try really hard to remember and think but it is like something is blocking your brain from functioning. 

9. You might have other disorders to go along with your anorexia- Anorexia is not just anorexia. More often than not you have a lot more to unload to your therapist other than the first time you skipped a meal. I deal with major depression and anxiety, as well as a tad of OCD to go along with all my ED behaviors. So, when you are sitting at therapy, you have a lot more to uncover and reveal other than your fear of food.

10. YOU CAN DIE- When I used to watch those videos in health of those celebrities dying from eating disorders I thought oh no I won't die. Oh yeah past Eileen? Tell that to your future hospital visits. This illness is competitive and aggressive. You eventually want to lose more than what your target weight was because nothing is ever going to be enough. No matter how much weight you lose, you are still going to look 100 pounds heavier in the mirror. You will not see anything you like...EVER Being dehydrated is the worst thing (especially when taking a lot more laxatives than you should and weight loss pills). Your head hurts, you're vomiting nothing, everything hurts. This disease can lead to a slow and really painful death. A lot of people who suffer actually kill themselves, because no matter how much weight they lose it is not enough. In my experience I related how thin I was to how much I could disappear. You can, and will die if you do not stop and get help now.

Over all, anorexia is not all fun and games with how much weight you can lose in x amount of time. It turns into a really challenging, and painful experience. The amount of physical, and mental health issues that come with anorexia is overwhelming. Especially when you have to face all of the side effects to not eating. If you have the choice to skip a meal, or eat a nutritious, plentiful, meal. Chose the meal. Chose life. Life is a lot more worth it than the hunger pangs. If I can do it, you can do it too :)