A Letter to the Person Who is Trying to Overcome an Abusive Relationship

Dear you,

I would first like to ask you to stop, close your eyes, and repeat this affirmation: "I am strong, I am worthy, I am good, I am me". Repeat this a few times, feel it, and embrace it. This is you. You are strong for going through what you have been through. You are worthy of so much more. You are a good person. You are you, not what some other person wanted you to be defined as.

I know first hand that it is not easy, believe me when I say, I know.

It was not fate that you were put in the situation you were in. It was not destiny for you to be locked into a person you did not want to be with. You did not allow your abuse to be placed on you. You did not consent to all the things that people think you consented to. You were placed in the hands of an abuser. Someone who was able to pursue, and manipulate you so much, that you were to far gone of being you.

I see you.
I hear you.
I know you.

When someone comes up to you and says "you should have known better", just nod your head, rise up, and do not allow their thoughts to impede on your growth. You and I both know, that no matter how much we knew it was wrong, you wanted to scream, you wanted to leave, but you were consumed in a cage. Some of you, have grown to see only abusive, toxic relationships. This I know, because I can testify this too. While you may think you should have known better from what you have seen, the truth is, until you have been in a solid healthy relationship, until you have seen a couple and said "I want that", you and I just do not know.

You were hidden in a cage for so long. You were stuffed in a box. Only good for so much. I am here to tell you to escape. Escape from that cage. Open the door, and fly. You are allowed to fly. You are allowed to soar. You are allowed to be you. Find who you are. Find the person you are inside. Find your inner child. Separate yourself from your abuser. You no longer need to be defined by your abuser. You are you. You are not "oh, that is  blank, blanks girl friend or boy friend". You are you. You are your name, and solely your name.

I know it is hard, I know you will never be the same in some ways.

I know.

But, what most people do not know, is you have the experience, you have more experience than the person next to you. You are more wise than the woman, or man, or whoever you define as next to you who does not know she is being played like a violin. You owe it to yourself to feel that. Embrace knowing, embrace being wise. Reconnect with the world, and share your knowledge.

Now, I know that this is not easy either. I know that so many friends have left you, and you have pushed away so many people. I know people have gotten so frustrated with you, because no matter how many times they wanted you to break free, you were stuck. Look at those people in the eyes now. Rise up your head. And smile. Smile to the whole world. Find yourself. Be you.

Now, I know this is also hard. People think of you as only one way. People have only seen you as one way. They do not know your truth. You do. You are the only person who knows your truth. You are not the show that you were forced to put on. You are not that picturesque perfect structure you were told to be. You are not the fashion you were told to wear. You are not that fake smile you had to put on. You are imperfect. Look at your imperfections, and love them.

Find you.
Be you.
Embrace you.

You now know that a relationship is not love if gifts are followed by the previous abuse. That $500 random shopping spree money he gave you is not normal when you were forced to see messages of him cheating on you. Those materialistic things mean nothing. The "I am sorry" gifts mean nothing. You now know that what does mean something is real and true change.

You are worthy.
You are worthy to be happy truly being you.
You are worthy to find someone who will treat you like you have never been treated before.

You are allowed to feel sad. You are allowed to mourn the time that was lost. You are allowed to go through the motions trying to figure it all out. You are allowed to have an emotional break down if your abuser shows his face to you years after you have broke out of your box.

The nightmares will end. The anxiety will leave. You will be able to leave your home, and ease yourself into a normal life. You are safe. Your constant 24 hour of always being on high watch will end. You can breathe now. Take a deep breath, and breathe your air. The air that you can call yours.

You are not your physical abuse.
You are not your emotional abuse.
You are not your verbal abuse.
You are not your sexual abuse.
You are not your trauma.

Do not allow your abuser to have what he has taken from you.

Go to your therapy. Do your trauma work. Cry through all the home work you have to do if your therapy was Cognitive Processing Therapy. Write your trauma account. Read it for those 30 days. Cry your heart out. In the process, you will find you. Who you were supposed to be. Who you will be. It is right in your hands. You just need to grab it. Bring yourself to therapy. Work through all of you trauma. Do not be someone like me, who waits for four years until you stop burying all of your trauma so far beyond reach that you forget that time. Do it now. Do it when you can break free, so you are able to become who you are supposed to be sooner, without being lost along the way.

You are doing an amazing job, the finish line is at your finger tips.
You are worthy.
You are enough.
You are strong.
You are wise.
You are allowed to be loved in the right ways.
You are allowed to have friends.
You are allowed to wear what you want, and act how you want.
But most importantly, you are you.

Sincerely,
A formerly broken bird, who has built her wings, and is in the process of almost ready to fly