The Real Devil Inside

                                                   

As someone who constantly supports positivity and a healthy mindset, don't allow that to influence your perception of me as just that. Just someone who is positive and etc,  in order for me to get to where I am today I had to grow and learn. But some thoughts have been sinking my positivity lately which could be detrimental if I allow it to be, but from this a thought has occurred to me. I of course believe in paranormal activity, demons, and the devil relating in that kind of perception. But I heavily believe that there is another form of the devil that is so much stronger than the first. I think this form of the devil is stronger, and sneakier than the idealistic horror version of the devil. This form is one that everyone has, whether or not they want to admit to it.

You see, this form is one that we are born with and I think this form of the devil sort of creeped its way through our original and born sin. Now, this is just me being theoretical and what not and so I am unsure if there is actual literature on this topic. But I thoroughly believe that mental illness is a form of the original sin that we carry as humans and I am going to try my best to explain why. First, let us go back to the story of Adam and Eve:

                              

Genesis Chapter 3 The Fall verse 1-10

3 Now the serpent was more crafty than any of the wild animals the Lord God had made. He said to the woman, “Did God really say, ‘You must not eat from any tree in the garden’?”

² The woman said to the serpent, “We may eat fruit from the trees in the garden, ³ but God did say, ‘You must not eat fruit from the tree that is in the middle of the garden, and you must not touch it, or you will die.’”
⁴ “You will not certainly die,” the serpent said to the woman. ⁵ “For God knows that when you eat from it your eyes will be opened, and you will be like God, knowing good and evil.”
⁶ When the woman saw that the fruit of the tree was good for food and pleasing to the eye, and also desirable for gaining wisdom, she took some and ate it. She also gave some to her husband, who was with her, and he ate it. ⁷ Then the eyes of both of them were opened, and they realized they were naked; so they sewed fig leaves together and made coverings for themselves.
⁸ Then the man and his wife heard the sound of the Lord God as he was walking in the garden in the cool of the day, and they hid from the Lord God among the trees of the garden. ⁹ But the Lord God called to the man, “Where are you?”
¹⁰ He answered, “I heard you in the garden, and I was afraid because I was naked; so I hid.”

Now for common knowledge, the serpent is the devil. The serpent is craftier than most of its kind. I always kind of imagine the dialogue of the serpent as more of a whisper in the ear when he says "Did  God really say...". Upon receiving those words in her ear, Eve immediately needed to stand her ground and say yes God DID in fact tell us this. That right there explains God's caring nature for us because I truly believe he is sorrowful for all of us having this devil in our minds. You see, theoretically, I think that although God IS this vast thing, this amazing thing, there is always a price to greatness. In God's grace and greatness he couldn't help but create this devil along with the rest of creation. The reason why I think of this is because the story of creation talks about all of these great things that God created but there is a lack of mention in creating this one bad tree. I mean in Noah's ark I think God just saw the devil consume everything and so he tried to just eliminate it, but unfortunately the devil cannot be eliminated. As humans we carry skeletons in our closet, and I think God has one skeleton, and that is the devil. So the devil whispers into Eve's ear and she quickly disarms the thought of this serpent as most of us do when we have bad thoughts that occur. So for my bad thoughts, I often blame myself for basically EVERYTHING and I say I am not good enough. So the thought will come sometimes, but in turn I say no. God says that I AM enough and whatever you are saying to me is wrong. 

Then serpent continues and says what do you mean??? You are not going to die, instead, your eyes will be open to the "real" world of amazing things. So in my case my serpent would say: "What do you mean God says you are good enough? You are not even if you think you are." Then of course the story goes on in saying how Eve thought the fruit was pleasing and so she bit into it and convinced Adam to eat it as well. In relation to myself and maybe some of you, what comes with my mental illness struggle is very bad coping mechanisms. So instead of eating apple, for me, that whisper would have been harm yourself, or don't eat, (although I am in recovery so I am not doing such behaviors anymore) but for others that voice may be, use those drugs, drink too much, drink every day etc. As Eve has shown, it is so hard to block out that voice. To say NO to that voice in your head whispering in your ear. Now, if you have ever been in recovery, you probably have experienced the shame that comes with relapse. Relapse is never fun... EVER. Because you fully know you are in the wrong but the pleasure, and the need to fully be invested into your bad behaviors is just too strong. But as soon as it is done, you become utterly ashamed in yourself. Well, Adam and Eve knew they should not have bit into that fruit, and when God came to see them they hid in their shame. In their naked shame. They were exposed. I think that God's angry response to this was more of an anger out of concern. It is more of how he cares for us so much but we allowed that one bad thing to get inside of our minds. The sneakiest devil of them all. It's kind of like when your parents are mad at you for lets say being reckless. They are angry because they care. Not just because that is how they are. So God was concerned about the well being of Adam and Eve. 

But this is not to post doom to God at all. In fact, God has beaten the devil so many times. God has seriously lent a hand in my life and allowed me to conquer my demons when they got really bad. 1 John 4:4 says "You, dear children, are from God and have overcome them, because the one who is in you is greater than the one who is in the world". So even though you have received those demons, because God is IN you (the holy spirit) you really do have the ability to kill of the demons in your head. 

I know that this is THE season for seasonal depression. But don't let those thoughts and feelings take over you. You need to come to know, and realize that YOU can get through this because God is inside of you waiting for you to allow him to help. He is waiting for you to stand up and say NO MORE. The thoughts that are going on inside of me are wrong. I am beautiful, I am worthy, I am not the one to blame. And God says that this is true and I stand by him. Reach out to those demons, not for help. Reach out and push them out of your mind. God conquers all.